A Glimpse of Resentment and Appreciation

Eventually the Care Giver who survives the death of a spouse reaches a stage of just plain resentment and criticism. When the tears of grief over the spouse have dried, eventually there can come a time of rational survey of just what has gone wrong with life.

 

Here we were, immersed in a life of happiness together and then a vicious killer intruded with the intent of destruction of beauty and goodness.

 

How can a human not be resentful and feel anger? These emotions are not to be denied. I know that some respond by their own death although not by overt suicide. I can  understand that choice. There is no shame in collapsing as a physical being and joining the beloved in the beyond, where ever that may be. 

 

In my instance I have chosen to live on and be as creative as possible. Now all that I think and create in writing and human relationships is colored by resentment at the natural order. I want to give that reality a hopeful face that is reflective of what we were before Alzheimer's disease. This is sounding like embracing the vicious side of Nature in a larger framework of meaning

 

That "embracing" is one challenging assignment. It means taking in stride the acid taste of intended poison of the spirit. There is a chance that mental paralysis will be the result. I know enough about what can happen in people to be aware that I am in a vulnerable place. 

 

Expression of this feeling is basic to growing maturity as a human being. Perhaps resentment and resulting criticism can be topped by appreciation. Perhaps new vistas of what people can be will appear as the horizon turns into reality. Creation of the New is forever possible.  The question comes back to me - Am I up to it?

Delton

Anxiety in the Presence of Technology

When a new technological advance happens there is usually a time of gradual adjustment. This week I do not have time to adjust. 

I choose to write here some first impressions that may prove to be an overreaction. My body tells me that this is not a time for hesitation.

What is this surprise to my system?  This week over in Falcon Heights, Mn near to where Joan was born and spent her youth, a simple police stop turned into a police shooting of an apparently innocent man. His girl friend in  the car had the presence of mind to turn on Facebook Live and put the entire event on-line and broadcast the event live to a global audience.

The change from rational reporting of events to the actual event made public in real time is already being noted by reporters and communications media people. 

I consider the impact upon religious communication and stand in awe of what may come.

Discovering the Need to Learn How to Swim in Primal Consciousness

When looking at Petroglyphs created several thousand years ago, what does the image of a turtle create in your mind? 

You see here the turtle

image at the Jeffers Petroglyphs,. Put into words whatever arises out of the mists of your memory as you are now quiet for several minutes. 

For urban conditioned people this may take a while. The subconscious is increasingly dominated by a secular and commercial world that makes money by shaping  in the mind that which is seen with frequency. So many images are sexual because those images satisfy the curiosity and driving urge toward an orgasmic experience. You may have to pass through this gate to enter the next and even more primal information.

 Underneath  that layer of consciousness are the layers of memory that go back thousands of years in each of us. Some call it the primal memory. 

The turtle image seems so boring at first - just like watching a turtle move across the sidewalk or street. Almost like watching grass grow. Be more patient than you think possible. This time allows the mind to sink to a next level of depth.

All of a sudden the turtle seems to move just a bit as the primal consciousness begins to claim your field of attention.  Hold that image in the present memory.

This exercise is intended to summon a person beyond the usual depth of attention. Much like going into a lake from a sandy beach and then feeling the beginning of a drop off. A new swimmer may thrash around in the attempt to regain footing. So begins a sense of urgency about learning to swim.

This lake of human development is almost  infinitely deep.  

 

What Information?

There is something called the "Sammelweis Reflex" developed in 1840.

The definition of this reflex is: Ignore information if it does not fit within ones world view.

There is another theory which says that it is possible for a person to have induced blindness which involves obedience to a belief how the world works that prevents seeing how the world really works.

Where did I find such challenging ideas? In a book entitled "The Half-Life of Facts: Why Everything We Know Has An Expiration Date" by Samuel Arbesman.  2012

At first the writing in this book struck me as an attempt to destroy all intellectual endeavor and gathering of knowledge as a total waste of time. In the long run I came to realize that Arbesman pushes all claims of certainty about facts to absurdity.  He is a mathematician and network scientist. The notes say he likes to have fun.

My life has been spent working the people who have to make constant decisions on how to manage daily life, raise children, do company management, make military decisions, and create dinner. Those are the easy things. Then comes suicide, taking opioids, memory loss, when to have sex, and such weighty matters. 

The body/mind makes so many decisions for us as each moment passes. How the world really works is at the core of this thought exercise. For the people at the funeral for Muhammad Ali yesterday their universe was on display. The world view was clear as words can express a culture. The expressed world view was interesting but how little staying power does it have? Ali spent years working on the funeral so that it would send a message in this communications based world.

Now the moment is history and the Sammelweis Reflex takes over. Information will be ignored. How does the world really work? These blips of widely viewed information will fade into the background noise of the universe.

My field is religion. The Christian Religion. I am suspicious of all who claim to have the ultimate truth in their toolkit of life. Including myself.

A Prudent Man's Guide to Old Age

Forget right now the noise about "The Golden Years". That is prelude to merchandise of one kind or another. I choose to talk about what actually has faced me in reaching the midst of my 88th year of existence.

Dealing with the inconvenient intrusion of death into best laid plans is part of my resume. Those of you younger than I may write these words off as scare tactics.  I don't do fiction. 

If you need fiction go to the television screen. 

Continue the Journey

Today JMN challenged me to write on Continuing the Journey. On reason probably was that here in the midst of the 87th year of life this man two decades younger that I is showing respect by giving me a challenge. Another possible reason may be that he is just plain curious. I would not call it voyeurism but it smacks of the universal curiosity about people different than myself. So here is an off-the-cuff piece of writing, warts and all.

1. Am I moving along on a journey or is the landscape/peoplescape moving past me? Certainly the culture of now is radically different than that of 87 some years ago. So the culture scape is moving while I am the personification of the past. They say, "Don't dwell in the past!".  How can I avoid being in the past since I am the past?  I really do not think that psychoanalysis or medications can accomplish much anything other than destroy me. That seems a pointless effort. Don't worry anyhow, I will soon be beyond and at least I will not be a bother to those dedicated to fixing.

2. Within myself I sense a moving current of change that simply cannot lead to other than me being in the Beyond.  The price of aging of the human body/mind differs person to person only in degree. Muscle strength, mental acuity, sensory organs such as eyes and ears degrade. Response to stimuli is increasingly limited. This process does not ask permission but simply arrives. Then a person has to decide whether to make desperate efforts to extend life no matter the cost to family, community, government and the environment. On the other hand one can count up the blessings, relationships and accomplishments and bid adieu. 

3. The place of religion makes a difference. I am Christian.  The notion of the Creator as a refuge is elemental to the faith. Whatever the nature of that refuge may be we know not. A sense of meaning is at the heart of looking forward.  Having accompanied my true love Joan through Memory Loss to the Beyond, I know something of the sense of evil leading to triumph in the story of life for some of us. Events on the Journey simply happen and we respond as best we can. 

4. So concludes this first response to "continuing the journey".  Until we meet again....Love is our linking hope.
Delton

Is God a Committee? Or a Singular Event with no Variation?

Is God a Committee?

This question came up on Tuesday in a group meeting. A question out of thin air. There it was like a whisp of a cloud. Not enough energy looking for a thunder storm of debate. Just a distant shape in the exploring human mind.

The ultimate meaning of all things is either singular or a process of being shaped by forces beyond our comprehension. Who said that?

What do think? Does it make any difference?  Presently I vote for the process of a committee?  But what do I know!

 I will say no more in this post. If courage arrives in my mailbox, I may pick this up at a more convenient time.  In keeping with full disclosure, I am a Christian of sorts. My calling card is ignorance. 

Delton